Play that funky music


One of  the things  few people know about me, is that I like music. I like it a lot. I listen to pretty much anything. There are, some types I do not listen to, but generally speaking, my musical taste can be reliably described as eclectic.  My wife no longer gives me funny looks when she hears some bangra, or Chinese pop music, emanating from my computer.  The presets on my car stereo range from country to hip-hop.  There are very few times when the radio is not on in my car, and this is where I encounter one of my biggest peeves.

Like I said, I like MUSIC, not commercials, not radio personalities, not strange people who call those radio personalities and divulge stuff they really should keep secret…..very secret, just music. Unfortunatley, however, it often takes me a good ten minutes from when I get into my car and drive off to when I hear the first song played.  It’s a little bit ridiculous.

There is one station I listen to that claims commercial free music for an hour and change. The first time I heard this, I thought I had struck gold. I was like “yeah, this will definitely take me home”.  I reacted like this because I’m naive. I took them at their word. After all, this is radio, this is being broadcast to thousands of people. They would not  be so brazen (or like my mother-in-law would say “brass face”) to lie to all those people. It’s not like they’re politicians or something.  Imagine my surprise when after about two songs, I hear the DJ saying “thanks to the kind folks at …… for allowing us to bring you commercial free music ” Are you serious?  So just because it wasn’t an entire 30 seconds or it did not specify a product, you think that’s not an ad? An ad does not need 30 seconds to make its point and everybody knows those guys only sell coffee so you didn’t even need to mention the product.  Turns out all the boasting  about commercial free was just “crapuccino”.

In addition, to playing as little music as possible, it turns out that apparently “DJ school” today is all about  the personalities and only the personalities.  You don’t even need a distinctive voice anymore, as long as you can speak, you’re in. You listen to the radio these days, and I swear some stations have two DJs…one male, one female. They all sound alike, they all play the exact same songs, they all have the exact same lack of knowledge of music and performers. One thing they have going for them though, is that they all have the uncanny ability to locate some of the most inane and inconsequential information  the internet has to offer. This is where they really shine. Some of them even have assistants to do this for them, because, of course, they need to keep focused on pressing the button to play all the commercials. So basically, you can get free radio, but you “pay” for it by having to listen to tons of commercials and juvenile chatter, or you can not get commercials and “pay” a subscription for satellite radio ( you can’t escape the juvenile chatter though). It’s like we’re caught between the proverbial rock and a hard place.

When they’re not not playing music,  they’re trying to get all profound and have really insightful discussions about the day’s popular topics like, relationship issues, “how many of you slept with the stripper at your best friend’s bachelor party ?” Really tasteful stuff like that.  Then listeners use them as private investigators.  They get the DJ people to call the guy and get him to admit that he didn’t “really” sleep with the stripper (besides she kissed him, he didn’t kiss her….technically). All this is taking place while wifey (unbeknownst to Casanova) is listening in. Then she makes her presence known.We don’t get too much from here on in because there is a lot of “bleeping” taking place. It gets even better when DJ guy gets in the mix (and I am not referring to music because there isn’t too much of that taking place)  and getting all upset and everything.

All I want is to be able to turn on my radio and hear some music. I don’t think that’s too much to ask. Apparently though, it’s a whole lot more than the radio stations are willing to offer.  Sigh………I guess I’ll have to be patient. I’m sure I’ll get some music……after the break.

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